I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
