Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
