it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
