Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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