theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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