she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
