hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize