I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
