I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
