He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize