The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
did you just send me my own nude
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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