Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
