And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
