o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
