I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's how pantless uber rides happen
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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