when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
