I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
