So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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