Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
