Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
