Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PANTIES FOUND
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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