omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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