We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
