around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
