My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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