I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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