What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Randomize
