You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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