The maid of honor just puked.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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