Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
