I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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