i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
