That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dick very happy bro
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
