I'm so fucking centered right now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how drunk are you?
Several
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