The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
