I wish my penis had an off switch
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
