I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
