Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
