just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
