The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
