we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
