Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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