So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
