I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
