She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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