Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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