How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
