apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
