Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
