Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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