ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
