My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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