I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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