Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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