my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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