..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
