I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
