it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's the barista slut.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
