Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
