I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
