i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
