I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
