tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
