I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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