I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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