we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
