Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
