...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
