Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
