girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
