Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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