took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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