there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
