she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
