my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
