everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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