Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
