Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
