I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
