fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
