I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
