Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
