i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
