I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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