I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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